Its 2016! March is almost done... means i'm still in the middle of practicum at SK Kampar.
Its the last practicum and makes me feel like a real teacher. But i cant wait for April to end!
Final year. Time flies. 5 years in IPG. I've learned and experienced a lot.
But the world is so big and knowledge have no end.
By now, i'm at school as a practicum teacher with Zana (my all time work partner) and i'm learning A LOT from the other teacher. I'm grateful for the teachers that welcome us. Thank you for treating us like friends and colleague. Please keep guiding us for the remaining time we are here.
Hahaha.. yup.. lost case...Selalu sangat alone sampai lebih selesa alone than dealing with people.
Tapi nak jadi CIKGU. Sentiasa deal dengan manusia lain. Dengan budak-budak no probs lagi.. tapi dengan cikgu-cikgu lain jadi errrrrrrrrrr. Nasib ada partner yang memahami betapa awkward-nya diri ini.
Lost case lagi bila selalu sangat alone. Nak getaway tapi xde kawan. Parents bukan setakat tak percaya kat hang tapi dengan kawan-kawan hang sekali depa x percaya. Yela.. Anak depa ni mana ada kawan sangat. Duk terperuk dalam rumah tak keluar. Jadi getaway yang paling mudah, tengok wayang sorang-sorang. Takda sapa nak kacau hang dalam tu.
I'm a dramas and movies addict... especially rom-com (don't judge me) I like things simple and fun.
What I really like about the characters is the hero or heroin always have their 'someone' to lean on. Like when they are sad or in trouble, they can just call and text that person right at that moment. That someone is either best friend/s or parents or siblings or the love one. I am really jealous when watching those moments. I compare them with my own life and i don't think i have that 'someone'.
I'm a girl that full with inner thoughts. I talk in my head a lot. Like A LOT. But not even half of it get through my mouth. When i have problems or in trouble or just feeling lonely i always look at my phone but i just LOOK at it. I never have a person to suddenly call to whine and complain at.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a loner. I have good friends and lovely family who i can be crazy and share stories with. I even being in relationship before. They are all very precious to me. But maybe i'm too used being someone people can lean on, be tough so i don't be a burden to anyone, i never find a person for me to lean on. No one ever make me feel its okay to let my guards down. I have too many thoughts and secrets within myself.
I envy those characters in those dramas. Hope i can find someone who understands me so well and will be my 'someone'. Someone who will listen to me whining and complaining and be mad at.
Even with all this new addiction and obsession to new artists, I'm still glued to FTISLAND.
FTISLAND is not just music and artist to me. They makes me have one new life and lots of interestingly worldwide friends. Hope they keep doing music together forever and i'll be their supporter. Always.
People including me always seems to forgot that we need this particular thing to feel happy in life
I've realized something yesterday when i met my school teacher
"Budak-budak yang kerek dgn ckg dlu........"
Kadang2 kalau mengata ckg yg x brape nk suka tu slalu ad ayat "Bukan ckg tu ajar kte pn" then dgn selamba ignore or kurang ajar dgn ckg tu
It's so wrong actually..
Memang la ckg tu x ajar kte skarang tp akan dtg? kte x tau... Mne tau ad hari dy mengajar kte and that teacher obviously know we didnt like him/her...
Apa yang dy ajar tu kalau dy susah nak ikhlaskan akan jd x berkat.. sebab seorang ckg tu pun manusia, ada hati dan perasaan... berkat tu penting.. kadang2 kte study teruk mcm mna pun xboleh nk masuk.. maybe kte ad salah dgn ckg tu..
and then i remind myself, respect every teacher even how much u dont like him/her. dont ever kurang ajar dengan dorang... setiap guru tu ade ilmu yg kte xde..
I'm as soon-to-be-teacher hope to remind myself n my soon-to-be-students this
-RESPECT ALL TEACHERS-
Lagi satu... family... i mean family besar.. maksud family bukan setakat mak ayah n adik beradik je... the whole atuk nenek pakcik makcik r family...
'Syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu' Its the most important but sometimes we need to understand we have mom and our mom hv a mother too.. sebagai anak mmg kte xde hak nk question our parents tp kadang2 kte boleh slow talk w them when we think they made a really wrong thing.. especially when it involved their parents... we r an adult n we can think rationally what is good n bad.. "Kita tegur sebab sayang"
We want our family dilimpahi dengan berkat n kasih sayang dr family n friends.. so sometimes we need to do the these kind of things
There's a moment that i suddenly become sad
I dont know what or why I'm upset or miss about
But my heart just feel heavy n tears comes out without me knowing why
There's a moment like that
Like this moment
its just my thing.. lol
Last minute study, last minute work, last minute plans...
Everything just adhoc..
And guess what.. I'm half dead now..
Doing tons of assignments in a week with so many distraction.. lol
i hv 5 assignments to submit tomorrow...
And I'm still not done even half of any of them..
i think i need help
Sometimes i do think i'm a bad friend
Mostly because of my words and unsensitiveness (is that even a word?)
Maybe this is why i never have a really long friendship till now
I am 21 and still cant say if i have a best friend
Looking at pics and posts by others with tags #bff always makes me wonder if i ever have one
Its not that i dont pay attention or i dont care... I dont want to be busybody and annoying
I want to give them their own space
Its not that i want to hurt them with my words.. I just think that we are close enough for them to know that i'm just joking..
I want us to be comfortable
But seems like i made the wrong decisions
Here, i wants to apologize to all friends that i ever hurt with my words or action
Just know that i never meant to hurt anyone..
Guys take responsibility while boys are just do anything for fun
So, GET OUT BOYS
I don’t need you, I will kick you ah ah ah I wanna say good bye to you Why – without me, you’re a guy with no charm huh Don’t kid yourself please, you don’t wanna talking about
You believed me when I said you were different than other guys Go away, get out get out get out get out, get out of my sight I believed you when you said you were busy or anything else Go away, get out get out get out get out – you played with me
I can’t believe it oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Are you out of your mind? oh oh oh oh oh Now it’s really over
A prettier girl than me, a nicer girl than me You won’t find a girl like that in your life ever again Snap out of it fool A prettier girl than me, a nicer girl than me There may be girls like that but they’ll never be yours Fool, fool, why don’t you know?
I was precious to you in the beginning You loved me but now are you sick of me? Go away, get out get out get out get out Don’t check anyone out but just go away
I can’t believe it oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Are you out of your mind? oh oh oh oh oh Now it’s really over
A prettier girl than me, a nicer girl than me You won’t find a girl like that in your life ever again Snap out of it fool A prettier girl than me, a nicer girl than me There may be girls like that but they’ll never be yours Fool, fool, why don’t you know?
Oh you’re the one who chased after me I’m the one who accepted you I accepted you, the loser, and turned you into a hot guy Your eyes that only looked at me is now looking here and there, round and round There won’t ever be a person who will accept charm-less you, never
Now I really don’t like you Even if you kneel and beg oh
A guy better than you, a guy hotter than you There’s a lot of guys like that They’re lining up before me right now I didn’t love you, I only dated you because you begged me Don’t think about me, you’re more pathetic Fool, fool, why don’t you know?
Ha i yah la ha i ya oh oh oh oh oh oh Will you snap out of it now?
When the ego is too high, its hard to say sorry even when i know i'm wrong
Things slightly change and i'm still learning to be matured
I'm learning to tolerate and lead
This habit of cursing... i need to change.. right?
All in all, i need to find my real me
Coz for now, i dont think i can understand myself yet
